


i don't want you to go but i want you

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Quantico (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bookstores, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, How Do I Tag, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-30 04:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6408073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon returned from Gaza broken in every single way so when Alex offered him a place to stay he decided that it was a great opportunity for a fresh start.</p><p>(on hiatus)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and i've been in this place before

**Author's Note:**

> I just need ashmin in my life. Writing another mulitichapter fic isn't probably the greatest idea (*cough* university) but oh well, I'm irresponsible.  
> ('Fools' Lauren Aquilina)

 

Simon put the last box on the floor and looked around; his new room wasn’t big, but not too small; the walls were in a nice shade of blue, like a cornflower. He liked it. The floor was wooden, creaking a bit with his every step. Simon made his way to a window and glared outside. He had an oidinary view on an aparment house across the street and a small park. But he could also see a big piece of sky so in the end it was pretty good. The room was still almost empty, if not counting a few furnitures, but Simon was sure that he would give it some personality.

He would make it look like a home.

‘How do you like it?’ he heard from the door and he spinned around to met Alex’s wide smile.

‘It’s great, Alex.’ Simon said honestly, smiling back at his friends ‘Thank you so much for all of this.’

‘Come on, we both know you deserve it.’ Alex said gently and Simon felt a string of pain in his heart as the memory hit him. But he was getting used to it so he just smiled a bit wider.

‘You don’t have much stuff, huh?’

‘I guess.’ Simon glanced at his belongings; he needed just a bag and three boxes to pack his all life and move to his new life.

He hoped it would be a better one.

‘Do you need help with that?’ Alex asked, stepping inside and pointing the boxes.

‘Sure, thanks.’

He was sipping his beer in the kitchen when Alex emerged from her bedroom with a small, playful smile on her lips. 

‘Someone’s in a good mood.’ he smirked and she chuckled. She made her way to him and then her face became a bit more serious.

‘So here’s the thing...’ she started ‘Me and this guy... I mean, it’s your first night in town and I hate I’m even considering this but...’

‘You have a date with Ryan?’ he asked, cutting her off with with a smirk still on his face.

‘How do you know?’ Alex asked, surprised, and Simon rolled his eyes.

‘You were talking about him all the way from the airport.’

‘I wasn’t...’ she said, a blush creeping on her cheeks ‘Was I?’

Simon chuckled quietly.

‘Go, Alex. You know I don’t mind spending some time alone.’

He could see how much Alex wanted to go but she was still hesitating.

‘Seriously, go.’ Simon said firmly and she smiled wildely.

‘You’re the best.’ Alex leaned forward and kissed his cheek ‘I love you.’

Simon grinned at her.

‘I know.’

Simon was used to silence. It was familiar and patient, listening to his screams and cries and curses. It was his good friend. It was safe.

Simon sighet quietly and sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the world outside his window. The sun was hiding behind a horizon and it was coloring the buldings in brigh, orange light. Simon had never expected to end up in his friends apartment in New York but here he was. 

The wave of gratitude rushed through his body as he thought about Alex. She was doing so much for him and sometimes he was wondering what had he done to deserve all that kindness she was offering to him. Sure, he had helped her in high school when all that shit had happened to her but after what he had done in Gaza... sometimes he was thinking that he didn’t deserve forgivness.

Simon closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing as the memories started to flash under his eylids. Breathe in, breathe out, just like they had taught him.

He opened his eyes with difficulty and one single tear ran quickly down his cheek. He wiped it angrily and let out a shaky breathe. 

All what had happened had been caused by his decision, his own choices and Simon knew that he could only blame himself for nightmares that were returning every night.

Simon was considering going to bed and trying to sleep for a few hours more than usual when suddenly the door bell rang, its voice loud and sharp in a safe silence of the apartment. He rushed to the door, feeling a bit uneasy; he didn’t feel like talking to someone who was probably Alex’s friend or neihgour and explaining that she wasn’t home.

But when he opened the door he immediately forgot about his coplains.

‘Hi.’ said the beautiful creature on his doorstep ‘I’m sorry I bother you so late... Wait, are you Alex’s flatmate?’

It took him a second to find his voice again.

‘Umm, yeah. I’m Simon, Simon Asher.’ he said and she smiled and Simon decided that she had the most beautiful smile in a world- a bit shy but still kind and sweet.

‘I’m Raina Amin. It’s nice to meet you, Simon.’

‘Yeah, you too.’

Raina’s eyes were dark but warm and they were reminding him of autumn. He liked autumn.

‘I’m really sorry that I’m troubling you so late.’ she said once again ‘But Alex promised to leave some files for me. Work.’ she smiled apologetically.

‘Oh, yes! I totally forgot about it. Please, come in.’ he stepped aside and let her in.

He closed the door behind Raina and went to the kitchen when Alex had left a thick folder.

‘Here you go.’ he said with a smile, handing it to Raina.

‘Thank you.’ she smiled and yes, she definitely had the most beautiful smile ever.

‘I should go. You probably want to rest.’

‘It’s okay.’ 

He opened the door for her and she turned her face to him.

‘See you soon, Simon.’

‘I hope so.’ he said before he could stop himself and she looked at him with a smile in her eyes.

She left and Simon went back to his room, his head and heart suddenly lighter than before.


	2. i watched our bodies turn to ghosts

 

Simon woke up and he had no idea where he was. He was in a foreign bed, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling and he felt panick building up inside him, blocking his throat and not letting him to catch his breath. He could hear his own heartbeat, too quick and unsteady, pulsing in his ears like a hammer. 

And then he heard Alex’s quiet humming on the other side on the wall and his blurred mind remembered. He was in New York, in Alex’s- and now his too- apartment. He was safe and the memories couldn’t hurt him.

He got up quickly and went to the kitchen when he found Alex; she was singing quietly while cutting tomatoes, wide grin on her face and light in her eyes.

‘Good morning, sleepy head!’ she greeted him, pouring him a cup of coffee.

‘It should be illegal to be so cheerfull so early.’ Simon muttered and took a sip from a mug ‘Uhh, it’s gross, I don’t get how you can drink it.’

‘Everyone likes coffee, you’re a weirdo.’ Alex said, taking the mug from him and sipping from it immediately.

‘So, I guess your date went well.’ Simon said and Alex’s smile grew even wider.

‘Yeah, it was great. Ryan’s... different. 

Simon smiled slightly. He was glad that Alex finally met someone trustworthy; she deserved it, after all she had been through. She was like sister to him and she was his best friend and it felt so good to see her happy and hopeful.

‘Oh, I see that Raina was here yeasterday and took the papers.’ Alex said and Simon was striked by a memory of the woman she had met a night before. 

‘Umm, yes, she was here. She’s nice.’ it was all he said although his mind was filled with a dozen words that could decribe her, and he had only met her once, for ten minutes. 

‘She’s the sweetest human being ever.’ Alex said firmly, throwing tomatoes to a bowl ‘On the other hand her sister, Nimah, has a quite character.’ she chuckled and moved the bowl to Simon ‘Here you go, fresh and nutritious salad, enjoy.’

‘Thanks.’

They were eating in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the sunny morning and each other’s company.

‘I think I should find a job.’ Simon said when they finished. He still had some money on his account but he knew that he couldn’t hide in the apartment all the time. He had to go back to being fully normal and getting a job would be the best way to do it.

‘Great!’ Alex exlaimed with enthiusiasm ‘You won’t have a problem with that, engineers are always wanted.’

‘I don’t... I don’t think I’d like to do that.’ Simon said quietly, looking at her carefully. There was too much memories and he had lost a passion to enineering somewhere on the way. And he wanted a new life and that meant new job.

‘Okay.’ Alex said softly and he smiled with gratitude. 

That was the best thing about Alex- she understood and accepted him, supporting him in every step. She was always there for him and he knew he would always be there for her.

Simon was looking through a newspaper Alex had brough a day before when something caught his eye.

‘Hey, Alex, look at this.’

Alex glared over his shoulder and her eyes lit up with a smile.

‘That’s definitely something for you. And it’s only two blocks away! You should totally go for it.’

‘Yeah, I think I should.’ Simon agreed.

‘Well, I’m leaving for work in a few so you can come with me. Come on, get up! New opportunities await!’

A door bell rang quietly when Simon entered a bookstore and he was immediately overwhelmed by a smell of old paper and cinnamon. The room was big, with a bookshelfs from the floor to the ceiling and a few armchairs in a corner. Dust was dancing in a sunlight coming through a big windows. It was nice and cosy and Simon immediately liked it. He made his way to the desk- wooden, clearly an old one-

and cleared his throat.

‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’ yelled someone and a second later a young man appeared.

The first thing Simon noticed was his wide smile and bright hair. 

‘How can I help you?’

‘Umm, I’ve seen in a newspaper that you’re looking for...’

‘Oh, you want to work here! Fantasctic! I’m Elias Harper, welcome to my kingdom.’

‘Simon Asher, nice to meet you.’ Simon said as he shook Elias’ hand, a bit confused.

‘You too. But firstly, I have to warn you that I don’t pay much. I mean, I’m no Scrooge, but people these days are too lazy to read paper books.’

‘Yeah, um, I don’t mind. I just want to have a job.’ Simon admitted and Elias flashed him another smile.

‘Well, that’s a relief. I’d like to give you a job righ now but I’ve to put you through the test.’

‘Test?’ Simon was even more confused. What was happening? He didn’t sign up for this...

‘So, first question: what do you think of Zafon?’

Simon blinked a few times before he spoke.

‘He has one amazing book and the rest is just good or pretty average.’

Elias started at him for a second and Simon thought that he would yell at him or something but instead he just nodded. 

‘What about Martha Grimes? Have you read  _ Hotel Paradise _ ?’

‘I think she’s amazing and the series is a masterpiece.’ Simon said, feeling more confident. He loved Martha Grimes and he guessed that Elias wanted to check if he was worthy of working in his bookstore or something.

‘Totally agree.’ Elias nodded with a smile ‘And the last one: quo vadis, Simon?’

Simon chuckled quietly at this question.

‘Well, if you mean the book, then the author is Sienkiewicz and I think everyone should read it. And if it was a direct question...’ he shrugged his shoulders ‘I have no idea.’

Elias looked at him for a moment.

‘You’re now the part of my kingdom, Simon.’

* * *

 

 

It was his second week of working in the bookstore and Simon loved every second of it. He likes being surrounded by books and he really enjoyed to talk with customers and help them find a perfect book. He felt like he was born to do it, to help the books in finding a way to someone’s home and heart.

It was a calm morning and Simon was calmly sipping his tea. He was reading so when a door bell rang he was a bit distracted. He raised his head quickly and oh, he would recognize that smile everywhere.

‘Good morning.’ he said with a smile forming on his lips.

‘Simon.’ Raina seemed to be a bit surprised but she was smiling at him kindly ‘I didn’t know you work here.’

‘It’s my second week.’ he said and she nodded quietly, looking him straight in the eyes. 

It took him a moment to realize that he should say something more.

‘So, how can I help you?’

‘I’m looking for something for my sister for her birthday.’ she said and Simon remembered what Alex had told him about Raina’s sister.

‘What does she like?’ he asked and Raina tilted her head.

‘Something with plot twists and action, she likes when the story’s gripping’ she smiled slightly ‘Or maybe something historical?’

‘Well’ Simon left his desk and took a thick book from one of the shelfs ‘Maybe  _ Fall of giants _ ? Follet has a great style and if your sister’s like it you can always buy her a second part for her next birthday.’

Raina opened the book and read a few sentences and then closed it with a smile.

‘I’ll take it.’

She paid but she didn’t leave immediately, her eyes meeting his once again.

‘It was nice to see you again, Simon.’

‘You too.’ he said honestly and then he added without thinking ‘I hope I’ll meet you again.’

Raina’s smile widened.

‘I hope for that too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it and comments and kudos keep me going :)


	3. the feelings in my headspace rearranged

 

'Okay, I can't do it anymore.'

Simon raised his head from a book and looked at Alex who was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. She seemed to be pretty determined and Simon already knew that he didn't stand a chance.

'What do you mean?' he asked carefully, putting down a book he was reading.

'We're going out. Tonight.' Alex informed him and Simon sighed.

'Alex, you know that I don't...'

'I don't want to hear it.' Alex cut him off 'You spend your days here or in your little fortress of solitude- but with books insetad of ice- and I can't let you do it anymore. We're in New York!'

Simon had a feeling that he was going to loose that battle but he tried again.

'I bet that you have better ways to spend a Friday night.'

'But I want to spend it with you and I want you to meet my friends. Come on, Simon. For me?'

she smiled sweetly and yes, he had lost.

'Everything for you.' he smiled slightly at her. He wasn't a party person, he prefered to stay at home and read some books but he knew that he couldn't live like that forever, that he would have to meet with the other people 'And by your friends you mean...?

'Well, I'd like for you to meet Ryan.' Alex said and Simon immediately understood that her relationship with that guy was getting serious and he felt an urge to meet him. He had to make sure if he was good enough for her 'He's going to bring a friend with him. Oh, and I think I'm going to invite Raina- you remember Raina, right?- and Nimah.'

'Raina?' Simon repeated and suddenly going out wasn't such a terrible idea. In fact, it was pretty appealling.

'Yeah.' Alex nodded 'Hope you don't mind?'

'Not at all.'

He had been thinking for the past three days how to get in touch with her again and now the perfect opportunity was right in front of him and he had no will to throw it away. She was intruguing and kind and he really wished to know her better.

 

New York at night was hypnotazing; it was true that the city didn't sleep. It was pulsing with lights and voices of people who were crossing its streets. He had been living in a big city almost all his life but that was something new and refreshing, so different from what he knew. And it was nice, to be surrounded by people although it didn't stop him from feeling that odd loneliness somewhere deep next to his heart.

'We're almost there.' Alex smiled at him 'Just around the corner.'

They turned right and Simon saw a small group of people standing in front of a door covered in dark green paint. Simon immediately spotted Raina; she was wearing a long, dark violet dress, not too elegant and not too casual. There was a slight smile on her lips and Simon was against surprised by how really beautiful she was. There was just something in her look that was making her look special and he was sure that he would notice her anywhere. She spotted him and her smile grew a bit wider.

'Hi guys!' Alex exlaimed cheerfully when they joined her friends 'This is my friend, Simon.'

Then it was short ceremony with smiling and shaking hands; there was Ryan, handsome guy with honest smile and kind eyes. Simon immediately got a good feeling about him when he saw the way he was looking at Alex. He seemed to be kind and honest and those were two things that Simon highly valued. Ryan's friend, Brandon, was a funny guy, maybe a bit too loud for Simon's taste but still pretty nice. And then Simon turned a bit and he gasped quietly in surprise.

'Nice to meet you, Simon. I'm Nimah.' the woman smirked and Simon tried not too look to stupid when he was staring at her maybe a second longer that politeness allowed. She was looking exactly like Raina; the only difference visible at the first sight was the fact that her hair was falling loosely on her shoulders when Raina's were hidden under a floral scarf.

'I think we can go inside now. Shall we?' Alex asked and everybody followed her inside.

Simon was afraid that it was going to be some noisy club with techno music that Alex secretly loved but lucky for him it was a different kind of place. There was a dance floor, yes, but the music was kinda nice. Well, he wasn't a big fan of pop but the songs had nice melody and the volume wasn't too loud so they didn't have to scream when they wanted to talk.

They sat down by a table in a corner, sipping their drinks and talking. It was nice, to smile and laugh with new people and Simon really enjoyed it. Since his return he was rarely leaving the safety of his room and now for the first time he thought that maybe he had been missing out something.

It didn't take Alex long to drag Ryan on the dance floor and Nimah and Brandon followed them quickly.

And that was how Simon ended alone with Raina.

'You don't want to join them?' Raina asked and Simon shook his head with a small smile.

'I'm not a big fan of dancing. You?'

'Me neither. I have a terrible sense of rhytm.' she admitted and he couldn't help but think that it couldn't be truth. She had some grace in her moves and Simon was sure that she would move the same while dancing. But of course he couldn't tell her that.

'Did Nimah enjoy the book?' he asked and Raina smiled, nodding.

'Yes. Thank you so much for your help with that.'

'That's my job.' he said and then he realized something 'So... happy birthday. I know I'm a bit late but I hope I’m forgiven.'

Raina's face lit up at his words and she chuckled quietly.

'Thank you so much. And yes, you are.'

Simon looked at her and he noticed that in fact there were more differences between Raina and Nimah. Raina's eyes had that kind, open look that was making him trust her. And her smile... it was gentler.

'And how's your job? Did you always want to work in a bookstore?' she asked and Simon flinched a little when the unwanted memory flashed through his mind. He hoped that Raina didn't notice that.

'Actually, I'm an engineer.' he admitted and Raina's eyes widened 'But it's not something I'd like to do... anymore. And I love books so when I saw an announcement in the newspaper I thought it was a sign.'

'Do you believe in that? Destiny, I mean?' Raina asked and the question sound surprisingly serious. Simon got a feeling that his answer would be important for her and he hesitated for a moment. Did he believe in destiny? And what was it, exactly?

The memories of Gaza sprinted through his head and he realized that he knew the answer.

'I believe in our choices.' Simon said finally 'And I think that we can't blame destiny, only ourselves. Some things can help us decide but in the end of the day it’s all on us.’

His voice sounded bitter even for him and Simon thought that he had just destroyed a perfectly fine conversation.

But then Raina smiled, warmly and honestly, and his heart immediately became a bit lighter.

'You're a wise man, Simon Asher.' she said quietly and something inside him broke a little at her words. It felt almost surreal to him; the club they were sitting in, the music and people suddenly distanced, as if he and Raina were the only people there. Simon looked into her eyes and he thought that he would give almost everything to know her better.

'Simon!' Alex exclaimed loudly behind him and Simon flinched at a sudden intrusion.

'Yes?' he turned his head to Alex who grinned at him and took his hand.

'You're coming with me.' she said and Simon sighed, only a little irritated.

'Alex, you know that...'

'Nope, nope, nope, you won't fool me.' Alex cut him off 'We were to the prom togehter, remember?'

'Yes, but I really can't...' Simon tried once again, glaring at Raina who was smiling, clearly amused.

'Yes, you can.' Alex said and Simon finally stood up because who he was to deny her anything?

'I'm sorry for what you're going to witness.' he said to Raina and she chuckled quietly.

'Don't believe him, he's a beast on a dance floor.' Alex said with her face totally serious ‘Once...’

‘Okay, okay, I’m coming.’ Simon really didn’t want to embarass himself in front of Raina but it seemed like he didn’t have much choice.

‘Maybe you’d like to join us?’ he asked because he seriously didn’t believe that she was an awful dancer; he was ready to bet the she was great at everything. But Raina smiled and shook her head slightly.

‘I’m good here.’ she said and Simon really tried not to feel disappointed ‘Next time, okay?’

‘Next time.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not fully happy with this chapter but I really hope you enjoyed. And thank you so much for your amazing comments; you're wonderful and you really keep me going!


	4. we are too fragile just to guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay but I've pretty big writer block and I'm surprised that I managed to write this chapter but here we go! Hope you enjoy!

 

The day was pretty cold and when Simon reached the bookstore he felt like his hands and nose were already frozen. Inside he turned oh the heat and wrapped himself in an old sweater he found in the room at the back of the store. It was a bit too big for him but at least it was warm.

The morning was calm and lazy; apparently rain and sharp wind were making people rather stay in a warm haven of buildings. Simon didn’t mind that. He had time to check what books they would need to order and to wipe the dust from some shelves (seriously, he didn’t get why European literature wasn’t popular, come on). The first customer appeared around 10 am; it was a nice old lady who was looking for something for her teenage grand- daughter and after a long conversation they both agreed that  _ Daddy-Long- Legs _ was a perfect choice. Simon was pretty happy that she decided on that book because he wasn’t the biggest fan of modern books for teenagers. The old ones had that specific charm that the majority of the new ones were lacking. 

Hours were passing slowly and by 3 am Simon managed to sell a set of Jane Austen books,  _ Kalevala _ and a few cheap detective stories. He was sure that nothing would surprise him that day but life apparently decided to prove him wrong. 

The door bell made its quiet sound and when he raised his head his heart made a flip inside his chest. 

‘Hi.’ Raina smiled slightly at him and he just had to smile too. 

‘Hi. What are you doing here? Looking for something?’ he asked, feeing that strange lightness building up inside him. 

‘Um, no, actually.’ she looked at the ground and seconds later she looked him in the eyes again ‘I was passing by and I just... wanted to see you.’ 

‘Oh.’

It was amazing; Raina was right there with him, just because she wanted to see him. Incredible. Simon felt a grin forming on his face and something warm settling near to his heart. 

‘Or maybe you’re busy?’ she asked carefully and he shook his head quickly, scared that she would walk away.

‘No, no, not at all. Please, sit down.’ he pointed a chair standing near to his own. 

‘Thank you.’ she said with a smile and made her way to him.

They were sitting there for over an hour, talking and drinking tea Simon had made. It was so nice, to just sit and talk, and listen to the rain hitting the windows. It was nice. It was nice and warm and Simon was just grateful for every second of it. But of course at some point it had to end.

‘I should keep going.’ Raina said finally and Simon told himself that she didn’t seem exctatic about leaving. But maybe that was only his imagination.

‘If you have to.’ he smiled slightly ‘My door’s always open.’

‘Thank you, Simon. Really.’ Raina’s smile was soft and he once again he felt as if she was a sun and he just felt warm from looking at her. Strange.

‘Oh, I almost forgot.’ he said, striked by a sudden reminder. He grabbed his bag and after a few moments of digging he found what he was looking for.

‘Here.’ he said, handing Raina a package with a smile ‘Late birthday gift. For you.’ he shifted a bit awkwardly.

Raina’s eyes widened with surprise but she took the package immediately.

‘You didn’t have to.’ she said, her fingers trailing grey paper.

‘I know.’ Simon shrugged his shoulders ‘But I wanted to.’

Raina looked at him for a moment and then she nodded and tear up the paper. Simon was feeling a bit nervous about his gift but the look on Raina’s face was the best prize.

‘Thank you, Simon.’ she said quietly and there was something strange in her voice, something he couldn’t name ‘This is a very special gift.’ 

‘I’m happy you like it.’ he said ‘But I’d like to get something in exchenge.’

Raina narrowed her eyes for a second.

‘What exactly?’

‘Something like... your number?’ Simon said, hoping that he wasn’t acting like a total weirdo.

Raina looked stunned but just for a second and then smile blossomed on her face. She chuckled quietly and Simon knew that everything was fine.

‘Only if I can have yours.’

When Simon entered the apartment he was still grinning like and idiot.

‘You’re very cheerful today.’ Alex noticed from a sofa where she was sitting, watching news on tv.

Simon shrugged his shoulders and throw his bag on a nearest chair.

‘I had a good day.’ he said and made his way to the sofa, sitting next to Alex and letting out a quiet sigh of relief. It had been a long day and he was a bit tired but it didn’t wipe out his good mood.

‘Really?’ Alex raised her eyebrows ‘I’m happy to hear that.’

‘And how was your day?’

‘Normal. Boring.’ Alex said and then started talking about some funny she had witnessed that day. She was all smiley and happy and it was just so good to see her like that.

But then Simon heard a muffled sound of a gunshot coming from a tv and he froze.

His whole body tensed and his heart started to beat like crazy, filling his head with a painful pulsing.

He couldn’t breathe.

Simon closed his eyes, trying desperately to catch his breath, reminding himself that he was safe but he couldn’t, he couldn’t...

‘Simon, look at me.’ he heard Alex’s voice and he felt her hands cupping his face ‘Look at me.’

He forced his eyes to open and looked at her familiar face.

‘Breathe, Simon. You’re safe, I’m here with you. You have to breathe.’ 

It took all his strenght to do what she was asking for.

He took a deep breathe, trying to fight with his hammering heart and shaking hands. 

It took him a few minutes to finally calm himself down.

‘I’m sorry.’ he said quietly, his throat sore.

‘You have nothing to apologize for.’ Alex said, shaking her head. Her eyes were full of tears and it was like a punch in a stomach.

‘I think I’ll go to bed.’ Simon said weakly and got up from the sofa ‘I... thank you, Alex.’

‘I’m always here, Simon.’

He woke up in the middle of the night with a sharp breath and lips parted as if he was about to scream.

It took him a moment to steady his heartbeat but he knew that he wouldn’t fall asleep again. He never did. He got up and as quiet as he could he made his way to the bathroom.

He washed his face in cold water, trying to push the nightmares away.

‘You’ll be fine.’ he said when he meet his own eyes in a mirror.

He would be fine, someday. 

Simon was sitting in the kicthen, reading a book and sipping his tea when Alex appeared, her eyes sleepy and hair in a mess. But when she saw him Simon immediately spotted how her face changed and he felt guilt building up inside him. He hated that he was causing her some much trouble.

‘Good morning, sleepy head.’ he said quickly, smiling at her slightly. He wanted her to know that he was fine.

‘Hi.’ Alex answeres, smiling at him warmly ‘How are you?’

‘I’m fine.’ he didn’t want to mention his breakdown from a night before. He had to keep going.

His phone beeped quietly and Simon reached for it, wondering who it might be. And when he unlocked it he could practically feel how his lips curled up into a smile.

**  from Raina: **

_ Today seems to be much prettier than yesterday. Would you like to go for a walk with me? We’ve some really nice parks here in NY. _

__

He was almost grinning when he started typing the answer.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Love you all :)


End file.
